Tonight after Miad Idol, me & Michael went and had coffee, and it was great to talk to him. Hes such a beautiful spirit. We discussed alot of things, and well frankly Im glad God puts encouraging people in our lives like him because i am able to talk to him about alot of bad things that are going on in my life.
I still dont think that kid that emailed me will ever emailed me back he was really bad with communication. And I kept freaking out and he finally just i think gave up on me which in terms ..i just gave up i keep somehow expecting an email... from him but there is none.

So i rely on my friends to hold me in their support, They do and i enjoy that. Also, i wish to really try and understand what it is, that people first inscribe to me , and decided to get to know me then once they find out who i am..they just really dont want to have anything to me. So i am not sure. I dont know although i wish that guy and i would have worked out he seemed amazing.


...i guess nott



thanks so much michael i really really aprreciate your heart and being there when i really needed it your amazing.


Lets see where to begin? I really am not loving school, I loath every minute of it. I struggle just intensely. I just don't really understand anything or anyone anymore. Everything seems to bring me down. I feel like I can trust no one, anymore. I don't feel desire to love anyone. I feel the need to just get everything done in time for the end of junior year. I wish I had a reason to be auk with my life, but stress is pressuring me a lot, I feel so much pressure on me. Everyone watching me and everyone looking at me to make a the next move, and when I do that, I fail. I feel like I'm at the bottom of the barrel with my stress. Its like I feel all of this bottled up inside me. For the longest time and I just don't understand how to exactly deal with it. My life I feel like is so shambled I just need a break and not do anything for a month but work.. Is this really how life is? This rope around my neck called school isn't helping the pressure. (I just really don't want to be like this forever.)

In other news, I've been emailing with a guy, named P *(name with held) and He says he's from here, but his myspace says He's not from WI (but from SD) His email also says a different name than his Mspace.. It's not that i don't trust him but I guess i am confused about the situation! He seems sweet and I hope to get to know him , because I think I'm really ready to move on from this whole "Stew" thing.. Because we aren't friends anymore and I've given up complete udder hope in really trying to understand him and this whole chastity thing. So aside from that I've moved on and realized... that my life without _____________ ..... is much better. No Drama, i can be in peace about the situation even though it ended badly, it will be ...OK.


I just don't know about anything or anymore. My life is lost out of priority. I skip class to sleep i play games to much. I'm slacking majorly... i really need to get my life on track. God please Help me.



lets see if i will make it.