Monday, February 12, 2007
Lately it seems that everyone is leaving. First the changes at Camp. Such as Chris Boncimino leaving then Denny McKendrick. Then it came at school first ben then caressa. Now then on saturday it was paul and david and many others who will be graduating and moving on. All these changes that i can't control. Im sinking deeper into my sadness. I cant control anything that is going on. I feel like all my friends that surrounded me with support are gone. The weekends come and go, and while all the other college students are out partying and getting drunk, i am spending weekends alone wondering why it is i have no friends? Or why is it that no one invites me to anything? It feels like im sinking more into depression again. Its like it comes to haunt me. I've been through this before. Two years ago, on medication and dealing with it. Now again? For once i thought there was no such thing and i was normal? There's other things that seem to be manourvoring towards it too, the fact is i want to go home to be with my family instead of being in Wisconsin. I don't want to stay here for the summer any more and just take classes at Augustana like i did last summer. It seems like it all over again, sleeping all the time during the weekends, and not doing any school work , missing class Monday morning to do homework that was supposed to be done during my three day weekends. Im behind in two of my four classes. I have no control over anything. Trying to understand it is that i deal with this? I mean it's already hard enough to be alone, this just makes me cry all the time. And in my fragile ness I am not finding comfort only in my room and my music. The people who i thought were my friends only make effort when i try to make an effort. They forget about me. Tonight for example Monday nights are usually the nights when a bunch of my older friends that are seniors get together and we go bowling out in Cudahay Wisconsin, and we have fun well i have biology on Monday nights from 6:50-8:10 then i was walking home calling Paul then Katie then i finally called David and he is already in cudahay with Nicole and says he will call Paul to see if they left the house, Im in my building waiting for his call, he Calls and then He says "Sorry Alex, they already left and are on there way here and we have four people to bowl" "Well i guess i will see you around at school sorry about that" and i just have to politley say ,it's ok. Which it just sank me into a deeper earthly lonliness were it seems my only contacts are myspace and facebook and even there i feel increidbly lonley. i just am at a lost to wonder or what to think.
...maybe some hope will come to me.
Alex.
? Published at 6:53 PM